On Friday Sept 26 at about 10pm, my husband and I had to put our youngest cat down. We are both in shock over the whole situation. It started a couple of days ago when our little Tammy started to not act like herself. She was lethargic and not interested in anything. Which was really unusual because she was always moving about and active. Then on Thursday she didn’t eat breakfast and David(my husband who is closer to her) said he was worried. He wanted to take her in and have her looked at.
So, I made an appointment with the Veterinarian up the street from us. Really nice Doctor. She is good and kind. Anyway, we took Tammy in not having a clue as to what was going on with her. The Doctor said she was running a temp of 104degrees. They took a blood sample and the Vet said she thought it could possibly be an infection of some sort. She gave Tammy a shot to help bring down the fever and said go home. We will call tomorrow with the blood test results.
So, we took Tammy home that night. She seemed to get a little better. She hooted out in the car - she hates car rides. We thought, that is a good sign. We got her home and her little white tail went straight up - we thought that was a good sign too. Then she went to the water dish and drank a little. Really good sign. She had a little dinner that night and then came in and laid down on the floor between David and I - just to hang out. It seemed that the shot was making her feel better.
So, we went to bed thinking it was an infection and that we will get some medicine and all will be ok. The next morning, when I got up - I came out to the living room and Tammy was laying in her usual spot on top of the loveseat. I thought, oh good - she is doing better. I didn’t think too much of it. I have RA and I get really tired after being up for a few hours. So normally I lay down to rest for an hour or so. That is what I did Friday afternoon.
David woke me up after a little while saying the Vet Clinic called. The blood tests were negative for an infection. But, he said Tammy seemed to be getting worse throughout the afternoon. So, he took her back in. I just woke up - so he told me stay at home and he will call me in a little while.
He did. He called to say that she has fluid on her lungs and he was taking her to the Vet ER up the road from the clinic. My heart sank. He was told - it could be pneumonia or cancer. When he got to the Vet ER - he had to wait. They started to look her over and was concerned about her heart. So, he called me telling me he was waiting for the results.
The waiting…I am sure the same goes for my husband. The sitting there worried about what could be going on and not knowing. The not knowing part is what is murder on the brain and nerves. You think, I am smart and resourceful. I can make things happen. I can move mountains if necessary. But I feel so helpless and lost right now! Dammit! Why can’t I make this better for her? Not just because I am not a Vet, but because it is my (and David’s) responsibility to take care of her, make sure she is ok. And that little girl is in there fighting for her life right now.
And I am thinking - You don’t want to do anything because you might miss the call. You carry the phone around with you everywhere because you might not hear the ring. You try to keep busy, but you can’t concentrate. You then watch TV because it is keeping you occupied, but you don’t want to watch something funny or something sad - so you don’t really watch. That is when my rock came in and laid down on the bed. (my rock is Kitty - you will read more about him below). He knows when I am upset and not feeling good. On both occassions he will come in, lay down next to me and purrrrrrr….. It calms me down.
I called my best friend in AZ to talk to her. Then I heard the back door open - David was home. The results were bad. He didn’t even call - he just came home - without Tammy. He didn’t want to tell me.
Her heart was enlarged. She was dieing. There was nothing we could do. We were told, we could take her home, give her a pill everyday. But, it would just be prolonging the inevitable. She might last a year, she might only last a few days. The problem was they couldn’t get the heart to decrease in size. So, we were told that blood would sit in there. Which could lead to a blood clot. Then the clot wouldn’t stay of course - and we all know what a moving blood clot can do. As my husband put it, she would be like a walking time bomb. We might have her for a few months or a few days. And, she might be hurting the whole time or have a harder time breathing.
The hardest thing to do. Having to let go someone you really love. These little furry creatures come into our lives - she choose me out of all of those people in front of our apartment building. You have your ups and downs with them, but each day your love for them grows into a deep and warm bond. A bond like no other. You know they are a cat, but they become family. You are not their mom or their dad - you are their friend and companion. They become a child to you in how you perceive them and treat them. But, then they comfort you when you are not feeling good and make you laugh when you are upset about something. They can make you angry because they don’t listen - yet you feel guilty for getting angry with them.
We have a couple of other wonderful cats - Kitty (our white rock - he is our male cat who is so in tune with everything - it is sometimes scary) and our little Lucy (our little tuxedo who hit her head when she was young and is a little slow in her ways). I have always told Kitty, you take care of me - I will take care of you. He does just that - he does his nightly patrol and lookout to make sure the house and we are both safe. He lets us know when things are going wrong - he let us know of a house fire when we came home one time many years ago. We would have found it - and or known eventually, but he rounded up the other two and greeted us at the door when we came home. I almost lost him once because of an infection, but when I came to visit him in the Vet clinic - I looked at him and said - You get better - I need you. And he did!
Because of my health and my body, David and I were not able to have children. So, our three furry friends where like our children. Not in the same sense of getting them clothes and sending them to school - but in the same sense of responsibilities and when you make choices - they are a part of them. Last night, we lost our youngest.
Going to the Vet ER and signing a paper to have your little girl put to sleep - I am a Christian. I love my Lord and I don’t deserve His love. I know. I was angry with Him last night because I thought this isn’t fair. Why do we have to make such a choice - such a decision. But, afterwards, David and I drove around and went to the place were we got her. Our old apartment building. I realized - I need to think about the fact we had 6 years and 6 months with this little forgiving, loving, stubborn, active, creative, amazing little furry white with blue eyes creature. We were told she may have had this problem with her heart for a while. Here God let us have this amount of time to be with her. Thank You my Lord!
We the Irish have an old tradition - we don’t morn someone’s passing - we celebrate their life.
To our little Tammy. Until we see you again, you will always and forever have a special place in both David and I’s heart. There was no one like you and there will be no one like you again! We love and miss you Tammy.
Tags: cat, companion, death, family, female cat, friend, kitty, losing a pet, pet, tammy, white cat